Nelis reveals battle with depression

“Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”

The words were penned by Patrick Nelis. They are words forged from hard, painful experience and reflect the difficulties he has had to come to terms with over the last two years.
The 35-year-old Tyrone man doesn’t put himself forward as a poet or philosopher but writing down his thoughts down are a comfort to him and a way of putting some context into what has been a horrendous, dark, period in his life when he tried to end it all.
Patrick describes 2013 as “a horrible year” when his world came crashing down around him, a time when his problems became too much. He suffered a breakdown and was fortunate to survive a suicide attempt.
To many people in Meath, Patrick Nelis will be well-known as a GAA referee. He has taken charge of Gaelic football games at many levels in Meath since taking up the whistle six years ago. In October 2013, he was appointed as referee for the Meath SFC final between Summerhill and Na Fianna.
For many referees, a senior county final is the pinnacle of their career. Many never get honoured in such as way, yet Patrick Nelis made it at a relatively young age - one when some are still playing the game.
Coming up to the final, he admits he felt the “buzz”. He was looking forward to it for weeks beforehand and prepared as diligently as he usually does for any game, yet underneath it all, he knew he was on the cusp of a major personal crisis.
For some time before that big day, the Kells resident had been under medication for depression; as a consequence, he had “piled on the weight” and it was something that worried him. What would people think?
“I had split up with my partner of six years. We had a daughter and I wasn’t getting limited access at the time, I was not working, I had financial worries. When I did get depressed, unfortunately, I didn’t cope too well with the pressure,” he admits.
“The depression lifted a bit leading up to the county final but I knew myself it wouldn’t last, I knew the buzz wouldn’t last,” he adds.
“My mother watched the game on TG4. She knew then something was wrong. What’s with the weight, she wondered? She knew I always kept fit.”
The final, he felt, went well. He admits he made a few mistakes. Overall, however, he was content with his performance. Then when all the excitement had passed, he experienced a real downer.
“A couple of weeks after the county final, I started to isolate myself from everybody, my friends, I wouldn’t go out, I had my phone turned off,” he recalls.
“Then, at the end of October, I had a plan in my head for weeks that I was going to do something. I just couldn’t take it any more, the personal problems, I just couldn’t take it any more.”
Reflecting on those events now, Patrick believes that what he read about himself on social media in the immediate aftermath of the county final helped plunge him into a deep well of depression. He was already fragile but the harsh, wounding words he came across on his mobile phone struck to his very core.
“I took a lot of abuse on Twitter after the county final that affected me badly. I took serious abuse, people tweeting stuff like 'the fat, red hamster’. I remember sitting at home reading that stuff in floods of tears. I kept reading it again and again, trying to get behind the reason people would say such things. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have read it,” he says.
Looking for a way out, Patrick took an overdose a few weeks after the final. It was a potentially lethal cocktail of tablets that he only survived through the fortunate intervention of a friend. “I took the overdose but what I didn’t realise was that I had sent a text, halfway through it all, saying I was going to do something. I don’t remember sending it,” he recalls.
“My friend, who had a key, came around, found me on the bathroom floor. I was out basically cold. I was taken to Navan Hospital.”
That set in motion a series of events that involved the hospital staff urging Patrick to stay to be treated. He, however, was reluctant to do so. He spent some time with a couple who were his friends in their house but it was soon clear he was far from well.
His friends got Patrick back in hospital where he eventually stayed for a few months and he began to start out on the long road back to his former self.
“After the overdose, the doctor said to me: 'Patrick, you’re a lucky man. What you took was enough to kill most people, it was some amount of tablets you took’.”
Originally from Clady, Co Tyrone, Patrick Nelis had long wanted to work with horses and, eight years ago, landed a job with well-known Meath trainer, Tony Martin.
He lived in Kells, played football for a spell with Castletown, became a referee and was enjoying life until, towards the end of 2012, he realised something was very wrong.
“Before that time, you could say anything to me, call me what you like, then I started to dwell on things too much. I think it was because partly of the break-up, it was a big factor.
“Up to 2012, I was always a bubbly, happy person having the craic. I went to the doctor, I was on tablets but they were actually making more agitated. I was referred to a psychiatrist, but it just wasn’t working for me,” he recalls now.
He says that he has lost a few friends over the overdose attempt but he also made a few others. Many of those who proved to be true friends are members of the GAA, an organisation that turned out to be a safe harbour in his darkest, most turbulent hours.
“I’ll tell you, only for the GAA, it kept me going. There were a few County Board members who knew I was depressed, a couple of them on the management committee were very good to me,” he says.
“One rang me up a few times every day, he was worried about me. One of them rang me continuously one day, couldn’t get me, he was worried.”
Now, three stone lighter, Patrick has found a renewed zest for life. He’s started a new relationship with a woman who, he says, is a tremendous support to him. He’s found his enthusiasm for refereeing once again and he’s back working.
He says he was anxious to talk about his troubles publicly now because he feels it could help others who also suffer from depression.
It’s a issue the GAA has sought to deal with inside its ranks in recent years. Patrick Nelis says his story forcefully demonstrates there are others out there with mental health issues who need help.
They shouldn’t feel isolated or castaways, he adds. The help is there and they should seek out.
“I was lucky. I made it through. What I would say to others is to get help, there is help out there. I can’t say enough about the goodness of people who helped me. People in the GAA, friends, doctors, nurses, people in Kilmainham GAA Club - there are many people out there willing to help.”
Patrick Nelis found the strength to make it through the storm. He hopes by speaking out, others will be able to do the same.