Even when you win you lose

Flat racing at Fairyhouse last Wednesday evening was an apt description. And even when you win, it's really only an illusion, because at the end of the day, you lose. This is a rant, so you have been warned, stop reading now and you will escape unscathed. The atmosphere was very flat, due in no small way to the size of the crowd, although in comparison to the same meeting 12 months ago, it was more substantial this time around. And don't blame the management at Fairyhouse, they left no stone unturned in an effort to attract the patrons through the turnstiles. One of those, Denis Hayes from Dunboyne, had an extra reason to celebrate as he also scooped the racecard competition and will probably return on Wednesday week for his prize, dinner for two in the BobbyJo Bistro. The racing purists will cite the poor quality of the card for the poor turn-out, but that's only an easy out for the so-called experts who will probably be looking forward to the Irish Derby Festival this weekend. Nothing wrong with that, but the entertainment value was good at Fairyhouse on Wednesday evening, even if plenty of people took the opportunity to re-enforce the reason for my rant - even when you win you lose. The opening race, a 47-65 handicap, attracted 14 runners, there was only one previous winner in the field, but that filly was not even the top weight. Is handicapping a bit inconsistent? I'll get to that in a moment. Anyway, I had two 10-year-old first-time racing enthusiasts for company, and credit Fairyhouse management, they were admitted free. I duly handed them a racecard, some brief instructions about how to read it and told them to pick a horse in each race - peace and quiet for about 10 minutes. Selection made, the bets were confidently placed on Bold Thady Quill in the first - it won for Fran Berry. Fever pitch doesn't adequately describe the reaction, but the enthusiasm was even greater for the second race. They dragged me away from a brief chat with Moynalty trainer Des McDonogh. I congratulated him on his two-in-a-row, won at Roscommon on Monday, with what appears to be a smart hurdler Cothrom Na Feinne. The handicapper was mentioned in the opening response and the Moynalty trainer was not too pleased at a hike of about 30 pounds for the two wins. "We were going to go to Gowran Park at the weekend, but that's not an option, I think we will go straight to Galway now, hopefully he will get into the Galway Hurdle with a nice weight," stated the man who saddled Monksfield to win two Champion Hurdles at Cheltenham. I was dragged away to place bets on Laldie for the second race - lightning can't strike twice, I thought - I was wrong, although there was the stewards enquiry which delayed the visit to the Tote collection window. The young punters were finding out how to make some easy money. Five runners in the third race meant an adjournment for some food and drinks beside the Ladbrokes betting shop where the two intrepid punters saw dog racing from Sunderland on the big screens for the first time - they were highly amused. That didn't detract from the selection process and they piled the euros on Emperor Claudius from the Aidan O'Brien stable. I had to agree with them on this one, but I couldn't understand how the Emperor was such a big price (9/4) as he stormed home. "If Johnny Murtagh wasn't at Royal Ascot he would have been 1/2" explained a punter who looked like he knew what he was talking about - I agreed and another collection procession followed. Eddie Lynam let them down with Iron Major in the fourth race and David Wachman did the same in the fifth, but winner number four duly arrived in the sixth. Denny Crane, named after the top man in Boston Legal, left it late to win the first prize of €4,830 in the 47-60 handicap, but it was the most exciting finish of the night. Denny got there in the final stride for a short head verdict. I also noticed Kells owners Michael Gavigan and Vincent Duff listening to the explanation from Dunboyne jockey Padraig Beggy about why View From The Top didn't win. We had to wait for the result of the photo finish during which Liam McAteer explained that he was disappointed after That's A Fret was edged out in the fourth race for Trim owner Marie Cusack. My concentration was broken again by the result of the photo finish which brought another welcome visit to the Tote. Easy trip back to Navan, contented passengers, no delays at Dunshaughlin, for a change. Wrong. The guy with the radar was lurking in the church car park and I fell into the trap. I have to admit that he was the most pleasant member of An Garda Siochana I have ever met. I wonder had he permission from parish priest Fr Clavin to encroach of Holy Ground to carry out his evil deed? Like I said, even when you win you lose. I uttered a prayer for the good Garda after he sent me on my way, minus €80 but with the promise of two points. "Pay that fine inside 28 days, if you wait until the 29th day it will be rejected and an extra fine will be added for late payment," he advised. I told him I knew about that ridiculous piece of legislation which is proving to be a real moneyspinner for the State - he kept smiling, maybe he was laughing. Horses, it seems, aren't the only ones that get rode regularly? The next midweek racing at Fairyhouse will take place on Wednesday, 30th June and my advice is to steer clear of Dunshaughlin on the way home.