We might as well hand over the keys to Brussels right now

About a year ago, a friend texted me to see had I read the latest reports of ministerial expenses that had appeared in that weekend’s newspapers. I hadn’t, I replied, as I was just getting off a plane at the airport and hadn’t read any Irish newspapers for a while. “Welcome back to the last days of the Irish Raj!” was his response. He might have been about 12 months premature in his welcome home message, but the events of last week resemble an empire on its last legs. It certainly was one of the most eventful news weeks of recent times, starting with Minister Mary Harney getting pelted with red paint, and ending with Minister Brendan Smith giving out free cheese. In between, a TD resigned, the Government was forced into a by-election it had tried to avoid for almost a year-and-a-half, students marched in Dublin and socialists staged a sit-in in the Department of Finance. There were HSE redundancies and the Government announced that €6 billion in spending cuts was coming down the line. But it was the cheese that grabbed the headlines. I could not believe my ears on Friday morning when Brendan Smith came on the airwaves to announce that the needy - which is beginning to amount to a fair amount of people - would be getting free cheese. Now we know why Bertie was in that cupboard - he was looking for a slab of camembert! Did Minister Smith not realise he would be a laughing stock when he came on the radio in the middle of the country’s greatest ever economic crisis, with a Government on the brink, declaring that there would be cheese for the poor? In the week when the European Commissioner for Economic and Monetary Affairs, Olli Rehn, came a-visiting to check out our books, the Cavan TD was making the country into an even greater laughing stock than it already is. Apparently, this scheme has been in existence for many years, but it is only now that Minister Smith decided to go live with it. If only Dermot Morgan was still around. Sure, Gift Grub and Nob Nation are being provided with great fodder these days, but Morgan was the original and best. Even one of his great characters, the FG FM DJ, Michael Noonan, is back in action, to save the country from anarchy. And, boy, does it need saving. It is incredible that we have gone from the highs of five years ago to the depths of economic despair. Free for all lending, no regulation, millions, nay, billions being spent on quarter-acre sites in Ballsbridge, Government turning a blind eye, no accountability in State agencies like Fás, unvouched Dail expenses, weekly cock-ups in the health service. We had one of the most envied and successful economies in the world, yet we allowed it all go down the plughole. Heads have rolled and bankers and former ceann comhairles have rode off into the sunset, with big pension pots. Our former lenders have been transferring property and cars into their wives’ names and declaring themselves bankrupt. The head of Fás got a going-away present of an Audi car. But what of those who oversaw all of this? We have one of them, the former prime minister of this country, and presidential hopeful, God help us, popping out of a cupboard on our TV screens to advertise his column in a red-top newspaper. The other, his loyal minister for finance over these years, who was supposed to be overseeing the spending of the Government, went on air live in a condition reminiscent of Eamon Dunphy’s 'tired and emotional’ appearances of the past, having spent half the previous night in a hotel bar in Galway. The same Taoiseach refused to accept any responsibility for the debacle in the financial institutions in this country, even though the heads of the banks, and the regulator which was supposed to be overseeing them, had all been forced out of office. However, the ultimate buck stopped with the man who was in charge of finance at the time, but this does not seem to wash with Mr Cowen. Some weeks ago, Michael Ring, the vocal Fine Gael TD from Mayo, said that when Queen Elizabeth arrives on a state visit, we could just hand the keys back to her and tell her she could have the country back, we had made a bags of it. He jested, of course. But it looks like we may be handing the keys over to another driver, Olli Rehn, and his European Commission colleagues. There is only so much Brian Lenihan can do, and Michael Ring’s party leader, Mr Kenny, with his ghost of FG past, Mr Noonan, doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, digging a greater hole for himself every time he opens his mouth. All Eamon Gilmore has to do is sit back and watch. There is no great inspirational figure emerging to fill the vacuum, with actor Gabriel Byrne this week commenting on the feelings of “fear, hopelessness and despair” in this country. Perhaps it might be no bad thing to hand the keys over to Brussels.