‘I know dad would be proud of me, I just wish I could hear it from him’
The heartbroken daughter of a Duleek man who took his own life just two weeks before Christmas a decade ago says that getting help for her own mental health struggles and a need 'to play her part' in preventing such a tragedy from happening to any other family inspired her to organise two events to raise money for a suicide awareness charity.
Danielle McAree (26) was 16 when her father, Noel also known as 'Ginger' died by suicide aged just 46 leaving the beauty salon owner and her family devastated.
Now as the tenth anniversary of her father's death approaches brave Danielle wants to highlight the need to talk “openly and honestly” about suicide and to give back to a charity that helped her when she was at her lowest.
"Dad was always the happy one smiling and laughing, everyone around would have known him for that. He would be the last person that you would think could something like that.
"I was always a daddy's girl. He was the best dad, we were so close. I miss him every day.
"I was only 16 at the time and I had two younger 12-year-old twin sisters. We knew dad was having a bit of a hard time but we never knew how bad it was or that it would result in him taking his own life. Looking at someone you can't tell what's really going on.
"Over the years I always wondered why didn't he come to me. For a long time, I nearly blamed myself."
Explaining how she learned of the devastating news the Duleek beauty therapist said:
"My auntie came into school to collect us saying that mam wanted us home. I don't know what it was but as I was on my way home in the car I was thinking please don't tell me that dad did something stupid.
"I was just completely heartbroken. Even though it was ten years ago it still feels like it happened yesterday.”
Two events are being held this week for SOSAD
Danielle admits that she has also found herself in a dark place and can understand “how someone can feel like it is their only way out.”
"For a long time after dad passed away, I forget about myself because I was so worried about my younger sisters missing out on life without him. I felt like I nearly had to grow up faster because I was the eldest.
"I was trying to pretend that I was ok when I was really wasn't. There was a time when I was really depressed so I've seen it from both sides.
"I could understand why someone would want to end their life because I was at a stage where it was like I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just wished that I could have the old Danielle back before all of this happened.
"I went to counselling about a year and a half after he passed away and it really helped me as well as just focusing on myself more.”
'Daddy's girl' Danielle with father Noel
There is no quick-fix solution to dealing with grief according to Danielle.
"I think about all of the things he missed out on like my 21st and when you have your own kids, I would always have pictured my dad being around. It's always going to affect me there is always going to be the next stage of my life where I'm going to have to deal with it.
"I just want people to know that it’s ok to feel low and it’s not a pain that will last forever. The demons in your mind can take over but it’s something you can and will get through with the right help.
"The impact suicide has on the lives of families, friends and communities is devastating and it wasn’t until it happened to us that I really knew what it was and how much your mental health can affect you.
"This time of year is a hard time for a lot of people.
"I'm trying to think positive because dad's intention was never for this to ruin the rest of my life.
"I know he'd be proud of me for doing this, I just wish that I could hear it from him."
Danielle is holding a coffee morning in Tribe Restaurant Duleek on Thursday 12th December as well a morning of Fun Gym classes at The Forge Fitness Gym, Duleek on Saturday 14th December.
You can donate to the fundraiser by searching 'Danielle's fundraiser for SOSAD in memory of Noel (Ginger) McAree' on Facebook.