Meathman's Diary: What is shopping without the bit of friction?

Does technology have to take the good out of everything?

The Diary notes that Ireland's first 'fully frictionless' store opened in Dublin this week.

Market x Flutter, which is operated by Compass Group, in Clonskeagh will let customers shop around and anything they take will go into a virtual basket.

“They can leave the store and they'll receive a receipt on their phone within a matter of minutes," said a spokesperson.

Well, it's an interesting concept, and will no doubt catch on, but after two years of Covid gloom now making way for inflation boom, I'm all for keeping a bit of friction in my life, especially when it comes to doing 'the big shop'.

Let me at that conveyor belt with a trolley full (albeit a bit less full these days) of groceries, let me pile high the date-dodgy beef, let me lob on the bargain price veg that will probably be on the turn before I turn for home, let me fill up the fruit I naively promise I’ll get the kids to eat, and let me make room for the welder's helmet plucked from the middle aisle for it will come in handy...one day.

More friction, and that's just the lady behind me making Puss in Boots eyes and gently waving a litre of soya and a leek in my direction. "Go on ahead there, sure you've only bits," I say, buying a bit more time for me to contort myself into the bowels of the trolley to retrieve the scallions and the eggs which (pro-tip) are always placed on the belt last.

As I nonchalantly flick my bags for life into a state of upright readiness, my checkout nemesis begins to scan. We're off!

Big items go in first, the milk, the juice, keep it tight....Yes, the trick of frontloading the bulky items is paying dividends, the boxy stuff fills out the bags' shape and the rhythm is perfect.

Cheap German Retail Store Bag Packing should be an Olympic sport and today looks like a day to smash my personal best.

One bag down, now here come the breads, the rolls, the wraps.. Use the loaf, no mistakes here!

Next up it's the fruit and veg, apples on bottom, bananas, lettuce and those little punnets of cherry tomatoes. Sorted.

Moving on to the frozen stuff and my checkout tormentor ups the steaks, sorry, stakes. He knows I'm a player and is now firing chicken goujons, jambons and oven chips at me like a demented frisbee thrower.

I'm keeping speed with him however, the chicken fillets family pack and 400g 5% lean beef mince (it's nicer) slot in before I add the block of intolerably mature cheddar and the pro-biotic, Greek, privately educated yoghurt she likes. Get in!

Then disaster strikes. I've miscalculated, I've no empty bags at the ready. The gameplan has gone out the window as now teabags, bleach, toilet rolls and grated cheese pile up as I try and reef another bag from underneath the already packed stuff.

It's all gone a Lidl bit haywire and a bottle of ketchup, fabric conditioner and a packet of Kinder Buenos find themselves dumped loose on top of the trolley. A sloppy finish, will need to improve.

Breathing heavy now, the 'bip' of the eggs signal the end of the game. Checkout Nemesis and I share a knowing glance. This had been a noble clash of wits. And we will do it again, soon.

It's time to pay for the encounter and.... I've left the wallet in the car.

Maybe this ‘fully frictionless” lark is the way to go after all.