Meathman's Diary: We can’t say we weren’t warned

Despite being a small, relatively new country that spent centuries under the heavy boot heel of colonialism, Ireland punches above its weight in several areas.

With scribes like James Joyce, Patrick Kavanagh, Brendan Behan, Flann O Brien, and in more recent times Colm Toibin and Sally Rooney, you argue we have one of the best literary traditions on the planet. Our dairy industry makes us one of the biggest and producers of infant formula and cheddar cheese in the world. In a sporting sense, our equine industry is the envy of the racing world, our golfers and boxers both putt and punch above their weights and even our rugby team which was once the laughing stock of Europe can beat anyone on a given day (except in World Cup years).

Now we can add something else to that list. When it comes to giving warnings Ireland is par excellence.

We’ve gotten so good at giving warnings we’ve divided them into different numerical and colour coded systems for how scared we should be at any given time for any given subject i.e. we have a numerical system for public health, which includes levels one to five, (including sub levels of 2.5, etc.) with different levels indicating whether we can go to a funeral/wedding/ get a haircut etc. (this doesn’t apply to golf functions) or colour coded categories for hot/cold/windy weather ranging from yellow (wear a coat/ sun hat), orange (stay indoors/ put on the BBQ) or red (say your prayers, make a will and tell your family you love/ can’t stand them). We’ve even gone so far as to give every rain shower a name which can feel a bit over the top but I feel adds a nice personal touch.

Given the increase in warnings over the last decade, one feels the natural progression on this front is for Met Eireann to start issuing warnings for mild weather i.e. “ there’s a blue warning out there folks so there’s no need to wear a coat but a jumper is recommended”.

Many feel that these government warnings are confining us to a nanny state where our every move is being controlled, but I think we should really double down on these warnings and introduce them to other areas that rank government performance.

For example what about a traffic light system for attending accident and emergency rooms?

Whether it’s green (go at your own risk), orange (get a bottle of whiskey and a set of pliers and give it a go yourself) or red (Knock isn’t that far away…)

What about a level system for house prices? Level one -you’re fine once you’ve got rich parents. Level two – Australia is nice this time of year. Level three- Aldi are doing a special on tents. Level four –Jesus lived in a shed so why can’t you? Level five- I hope you get on with your in-laws because you’re sharing a bed.