‘As parents our hearts are broken for him - when is player abuse going to end?'

Theresa Payne and her husband Turlough Bird have had enough. Enough of the wounding words. They have enough of seeing their youngest child, Peadar (16) returning home from GAA and rugby games - occasions that should be enjoyable and fulfilling - deeply wounded by nasty, cruel comments on the pitch and on social media directed his way.

The breaking point, the moment when they decided enough was enough, occurred last week.

Young Peadar was playing a minor hurling game for his team Boardsmill/Rathmolyon when a comment was directed towards him that, says Theresa, "body shamed him." The comment, she adds, was disturbing enough but what has made it even more alarming for them was that the words were uttered by an adult.

It was one of a number of incidents that have taken place on various playing fields over the last year that have left Theresa and Turlough feeling angry and frustrated. Theresa and Turlough also have three other children Tadhg (23), Conall (21) and Moya (18) all of whom are involved in GAA and rugby.

Not willing to sit back and let what has happened to Peadar to go on, his parents want the GAA, and other sporting bodies, to incorporate into their social welfare structures guidelines for verbal and social media abuse “along with their guidelines for physical altercations on and off the pitch” so that youngsters don't have to listen to painful, hurtful comments that are like daggers to the heart.

Theresa asserts that in her view verbal abuse is something that affects players, with or without disabilities, not just her son.

"It's absolutely devastating because we champion all our children and in particular Peadar because he has had so many obstacles to face on his sporting journey. Turlough and I are so proud of all our children and what they have achieved but we as a family are all so proud of Peadar because he has achieved so much and he still is doing so much.

"It's devastating to think somebody can take a pop at him like that - and you can't take words back. This is something that is happening across the board, I'm sure all over the country, from All-Ireland down to club level and it can have a very negative effect on young people’s mental health.

"You might not be able to remember the abusive words said to you, although I'm sure Peadar can, but what you do remember, is how you felt at the time and the emotions you were experiencing, they are hard to forget," adds Theresa.

"Who are we as parents if we don't honour our childrens’ rights to play on a pitch without fear of abuse. As parents and mentors we have to be advocates for our children, for the young people of the country."

Peadar has a disability called Arthrogryposis which affects the growth of muscles in the leg. Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC) is a term used to describe over 300 conditions that cause multiple curved joints in areas of the body at birth. It varies from person to person with the common feature being stiff joints and muscle weakness.

"It's a congenital condition Peadar had from birth," explains Theresa. "When he was born they told me literally seconds later he may not walk but he has done so much more. He has had numerous operations, he has been in a leg cast long time, a wheelchair, He has been in and out of Crumlin Hospital all his life. Because he is 16 he has been discharged from Crumlin and is now attending the Cappagh and Connolly hospitals."

The condition can be a painful and debilitating but it hasn't stopped Peadar Bird from seeking to fulfil his sporting dreams. Like any youngster Peadar loves his sport. He is a passionate Arsenal fan and enjoys watching and participating in Gaelic football, hurling and rugby.

A student at Boyne Community School in Trim (although he will be moving to Roscrea for the next academic year) Peadar keeps a keen eye on what is happening on the sporting fronts in Ireland and beyond. It's simply a part of who he is. He also happens to be very good at it. He was nominated for the Meath Garda Youth Awards 2019 and was awarded the 'u-14 Player of the Season' with Navan RFC in 2021 and presented with a rugby award from his school in 2022.

"Despite his disability Peadar has played sports from a young age," says Theresa. "It never stopped him, he is a remarkable young man, apart from when he was in a cast he has always played rugby, football, hurling. Peadar lives with chronic pain and plays sport, despite his disability."

The family's home is in Boardsmill and Peadar turns out for local under-age teams. Boardsmill are amalgamated with Rathmolyon at minor hurling level and Moynalvey in football. He has also played for Navan underage rugby teams. Sport is an integral part of his life.

He loves being part of it all, says Theresa. Sport should be about enjoyment she adds, but recent experiences have left her and her husband deeply hurt and annoyed.

A TALE OF THREE INCIDENTS

The experiences have spurred Theresa Payne into action. She wants to stop what she says are incidents that are "unacceptable in any code or sport” and occurred over the last year or so.

The first of these happened during a hurling game in Ashbourne. "People are constantly staring at Peadar because there is no muscle mass in the lower parts of his leg, it's part of his disability," explains Theresa.

"Peadar was playing a game and an adult on the sideline took a photo of him and put it up online with the meme - 'Oh where was he on leg day?' - or something to that effect. That went viral. It was one of Peadar's teammates who spotted it and when we became aware of it his coaches from Rathmolyon and Boardsmill took action immediately, and it was then taken down.

"You can imagine how a teenager feels when somebody takes a pop like that and my heart just breaks for him - and so does his Dad's," adds Theresa. “Cian Royston the secretary of Boardsmill GAA club did trojan work on this and tried to get the club to investiage the incident but the club in question said they couldn't identify the person."

Incident number two took place while Peadar was playing an underage rugby game for Navan in county Wicklow. "Peadar is a scrum-half, he was over near the sideline, near the opposition bench. A line-out was being taken when on the sideline he could hear boys on the opposition bench behind him making chicken noises and again, understandably, he got very upset.

“The club from Wicklow said the boys on the bench weren't part of their club and therefore they couldn't identify them."

Incident number three happened last week. Playing a hurling game Peadar heard wounding words from an adult who was at the match.

“I always said to Peadar when he was growing up that these things happen," says Theresa. “I said children and teenagers can say terrible things to each other but when you are an adult this won't happen I told him. Adults don’t talk to each other like this. I'm his mother and he trusts my word yet two of the verbal abusers were adults so I'm wrong. I thought adults wouldn't do that, but I'm wrong."

TIME FOR CHANGE

Theresa Payne has contacted various sporting organisations in relation to verbal and social media abuse of players. Meath Co Board are, she points out, investigating comments made to her son in the recent hurling game.

“Our submission (to Meath Co Committee) about the incident at the hurling game last week has been forwarded to the Meath CCC along with many letters written by the parents of players who were at the match, people who witnessed the upset and confusion caused, and saw the impact it had on their own sons. These messages were heartwarming and very supportive for us as a family.”

Theresa feels more has to be done to stop verbal abuse on the playing fields of Ireland. “We can support Peadar, and the Boardsmill and Rathmolyon clubs are very supportive, but this is a nationwide thing and governing bodies have to stop it.”

She also reached out to the IRFU.

"I have been contacted by the IRFU National Safeguarding Officer and the Leinster Spirit of Rugby Officer. They will ensure that the rugby club in question complete their 'Diversity and Inclusion' online training course and hold a workshop on the 'Code of Conduct' when the season starts again in September. This was a good proactive response and one which is somewhat reassuring for Peadar.”

Theresa, Turlough and Peadar have, courageously, highlighted their own situation. Doing nothing is simply no longer an option.

Enough is enough.

THERESA PAYNE ON ....

THE EFFECT VERBAL ABUSE IS HAVING ON HER SON AND OTHER YOUNGSTERS

"It's easy for people to say 'oh, you’ll be fine just ignore them’ but that's easier said than done. When you're feeling vulnerable it's not that easy to absorb what people say about you and to you.

“It’s hard to stay detached. It’s particularly difficult at 16 when you are living with pain every day.

“As parents, it’s devastating to see the impact and after-effects these hurtful comments and actions are having on Peadar.

"We have spoken to other parents about this. Players are being abused on the pitch at every match. The language they use with each other is terrible, what they say to each other when nobody is listening.

“If somebody hits somebody on the pitch everybody can see that but if somebody abuses somebody verbally nobody hears that except the victim.

The referee will just say: 'Sorry I didn't hear that; I can't do anything about it.' "

THE NEED FOR MATCH OFFICIALS TO HAVE A BIGGER ROLE IN REPORTING INCIDENTS

"I think referees have to have more control over the situation even if he didn't hear any of the comment themselves.

“They can still report what they were told to the County Board and County Board they should act on it.

“If something happens on the pitch and it's reported to the referee it should go into the referee's report.

“The day of someone saying 'sorry didn't hear that, didn't see it,' that day is gone.

“It's too easy for referees to say there are no witnesses, a victim of verbal abuse should not need witnesses, why would they fabricate a story, there is too much emotion involved for a victim of verbal abuse to make up a story. but Peadar is on his knees because of what happened to him.”

AND IN CONCLUSION

"Verbal abuse on the pitch on the sidelines and from the stands is becoming a bigger issue across many sporting codes. The onus is on sporting associations to step up.

“Guidelines for officials and disciplinary committees do not seem to be stringent enough to deter verbal and social media abuse.

A player who commits a physical foul knows there are consequences but there are none for verbal and social media abuse."