‘We got terrible beatings and the sexual assaults destroyed me’

“I’ll never forget the awful smell of his breath. It was dreadful. He was evil, evil. When he’s get into a temper or a rage his face would go purple and you’d see the flecks of white at the corner of his lips,” that ‘show one of the survivors of sexual abuse at the Christian Brothers in Kells described his abuser.

Following the publication of the Scoping Inquiry into Historical Sexual Abuse in schools run by religious orders, a former pupil of the CBS in Kells has spoken out about the abuse he suffered there.

“We endured both physical and sexual assaults. We got terrible beatings and the sexual assaults destroyed me,” he said.

The Christian Brothers School in Kells is one of three schools in Meath named in the Scoping Report, with two complaints against two teachers at the school .

The survivor, who attended the school for around two years, has made a statement to the Gardai and participated in the Scoping Inquiry. His abuser died some years ago.

When he was 11, the boy’s family moved to County Meath and he travelled by bus each morning to the Christian Brothers School in Kells.

“I was afraid of my life every day going to school. I threw up with fear every morning as I got off the bus. There were a few of us who would throw up before we went in, because we knew what was coming.

“From my very first day in the school, I saw that anyone getting a sum wrong would get walloped with a leather.

“The brother would ask ‘will you take it now or later,’ before he beat you.

“Then he’d put you on his knee and a sexual act would take place. It happened three or four times a week. He loved beating children too, he was a sadist.

“He’d tell you to get his belt, which meant you had to take it from his trousers. He’d then cuddle you on his knee, bounce you up and down on his knee until you felt the wetness.

“There was physical and sexual abuse. It is still in my brain every day. The youngest children - just four years old - they were beaten and abused.

“We were all innocent kids, we were abused and I have carried it with me all my life.

“I wasn’t the only one. Two of my former classmates killed themselves. There was one boy who missed the bus and he was taken to a shed and raped as a result.”

“When I got out of there at 13, I started drinking, I went mad. We would drink cider and fill it with aspirins.

“I went to the Tech for a year when I left primary school, but I had no interest in school. I went mad. I was like someone who escaped prison. I knew I wouldn’t have to suffer any of that again.

“It all comes back on you then, affecting your marriage and your mental health.

“As a teenager I had no self esteem, I couldn’t talk to a girl without drinking and of course nobody wanted me anyway because of the alcohol.

“I’m an intelligent man, but I was denied an education, I couldn’t continue at school. I never did a Leaving Cert or went to a debs.

“I worked on building sites, picking potatoes and as a farm labourer.

“I got good jobs. I got a job in Tara Mines and I was in the army. I was a good worker but whenever it came to promotions, I didn’t want authority and I didn’t want to have to answer to people.

“I got married, but I brought a lot of problems into that marriage and 12 years later we were divorced because of family problems and alcohol.”

He was lucky to get another chance and married his current wife in 2003. “I have a stable life now.”

The trauma of his abusive schooldays resulted in him trying to commit suicide in 1980.

While, he survived that, his mental health reached another crisis point in 2017.

“I was in a terrible state. I didn’t feel I could go on. The HSE sent me to a psychologist and I started weekly counselling. It helped me. I had blamed myself all my life because I had always been told at school that I was useless.”

“I now have a good woman and I am delighted to be around to see my grandkids.”

As his health improved he went to the gardai and made a statement.

“I participated in the scoping enquiry. This new enquiry announced this week, may shed more light on it. I want to see it all coming out. I am hoping there will be a redress scheme.

“I want them to say they are sorry and that it won’t happen to another human being.

“One incident of sexual assault is enough to kill anyone’s soul. It eventually comes back at you!”