Paul Hopkins: Why love is more than second-hand emotion

The Ancient Greek philosophers would never have agreed with the late, legendary Tina Turner who, in her 1984 hit song What's Love Got To Do With It, sang: “What's love, but a second-hand emotion ...” Rather, they identified five forms of love: familial love, friendly or platonic love, romantic, self-love, and unconditional love.

These days, we distinguish further varieties: fatuous love, unrequited, consummate love, as well as infatuated love and also the courtly kind. Indeed, many cultures have their own native words, definitions or expressions of love in regard to specified 'moments' currently lacking in the English language.

The late American philosopher Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Of Love suggests intimacy, passion, and commitment are core components of love. Love, too, has additional religious or spiritual meaning. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Although the nature of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what is not love. Love, as a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), is commonly contrasted with hate, apathy even. As a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust. As an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is sometimes contrasted with friendship, and, indeed, the word love is often applied to close friendships or platonic love.

Aristotle defined love as “to will good of another”, while Bertrand Russell described it as a condition of “absolute value,” as opposed to relative value. The Australian biologist Jeremy Griffith – still going strong at 80 – defines love as “unconditional selflessness”.

If nothing else, love can be confusing. It is one of the most Googled words daily. But what is all this confusion about? Neuroscience tells us that love is caused by certain chemicals in the brain. For example, when you meet someone special, the hormones dopamine and norepinephrine can trigger a reward response that makes you want to see this person again. You want more, to put it mildly.

Testosterone seems important for both male and female sexual behaviour. Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are more commonly found during the attraction phase of a relationship [as in “what a dope I’ve been. She never fancied me all along”].

Our feelings are the result of these chemical reactions. Around a 'crush' or 'the wan you fancy like mad', or best friend, you probably feel something akin to excitement, attraction, joy and affection. You light up when they walk into the room. Over time, you might feel comfort and trust. But are these feelings, caused by chemical reactions in your brain, all that love is? If so, then I suggest love seems to be something that largely happens to you. You’d have as much control over falling in love as you’d have over accidentally falling into a hole – not much.

It is said that 'true love' means you want what is best for one another. This kind of friendship is built on shared virtue and goodwill and indeed will be much longer lasting as a couple change and grow.

Plato and Aristotle both thought that love was more than a feeling. It was a bond between people who admire one another and therefore choose to support one another over time. Maybe, then, love isn’t totally out of your control, that it can be disentangled from the likings and longings that come with it – those butterflies in your stomach. And that, I suggest, is because love isn’t just a feeling but rather a special kind of paying attention, which celebrates a person’s individuality.

And so to Valentine's Day – or weekend – and its celebration of sexual attraction and passion.

For women, they say, love and sex are somewhat inseparable, while for men they are two distinct entities which supports the male argument that the heart should not be worried about what the dangly bits are up to.

I mean Love Island or Love Actually may well do it for women but for men it’s all down to Basic Instinct. The late Patrick Swayze may have had it goin’ on, but, when it comes to bedroom inspiration, clay-pot crafting just doesn’t cut it. Forget the soppy romance of Ghost, Basic Instinct’s infamous (and oft-parodied) interrogation is memorable for red-blooded men everywhere.

I can just see that whole bunch of chemicals going haywire in their brains...