How much value do we place on good parenting?

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you… You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far… - Kahlil Gibran The above is a quote from a longer poem titled 'On Children’ - a truly beautiful, soulful piece of work by Gibran. It probably is nothing short of sacrilege to use this poem in a piece that deals primarily with money matters. To sully this work with the vulgarity of materialism is, indeed, sinful. So, to all the romantic and poetic minds reading this, please forgive my crassness. Recently, the European Commission proposed an amendment to extend maternity leave and increase maternity benefit throughout the EU member states. The Commission has proposed increasing the minimum leave from 14 to 18 weeks. This proposal would have no real impact on Irish workers, as the minimum leave a working mother here receives is 26 weeks followed by an optional 16 weeks unpaid leave. However, the Commission’s proposal on maternity pay could, potentially, greatly affect us here in Ireland. At the moment, women on maternity leave are entitled to a minimum of €225.80 and a maximum of €270.00 per week. While the Commission has not made it mandatory, it has set a goal that European workers on maternity leave would receive 100 per ent of their normal income. Some employers voluntarily pay their workers the difference between maternity pay and what the woman normally earns. However, not all employers can afford this expense as they also have to pay a replacement worker; therefore, we end up with a very uneven system. “Well, if women want to have kids, why should the rest of us pay?” is the usual retort from those opposed to such benefits. But when all is said and done, who really gains from well-reared, well-adjusted children - just the parents or society at large? The notion that children are some sort of luxury to be enjoyed only by their parents is quite simply wrong. As Gibran points out, we don’t own our children - they belong to the world. Without doubt, any word we use to describe the love we feel for our children is woefully inadequate - those kinds of feelings can only be experienced by the soul. In this sense, yes, parents are indeed, privileged. But all else we do for our children has the potential to impact most positively (or negatively) on a multitude of other people. When I speak of parents, I am automatically including adopted parents - I am a mother long enough to know that the actual birthing of children is so insignificant that, in the grand scheme of child-rearing, this detail matters not one iota. And just in case any child-free readers are under the illusion that raising children is a bed of roses, think again. I don’t just mean the physical consequences of not getting a good night’s sleep in 20-odd years or the feeling of perennial poverty; the constant worry and fear for our children is even more indescribable than our love for them. If we are to look at children simply as units of the State, then not only would mothers receive proper maternity pay, they would probably be paid extra for producing and raising children that will one day be contributing members of society. Remember, grown children do not repay their parents in monetary terms, but they do contribute financially to society. But, more importantly, the well-raised individual enriches a society in ways that cannot be price-tagged. Fast forward a couple of decades and imagine you are a resident in a nursing home. The young man or woman looking after you is employed to look after your physical needs, but his/her parents instilled qualities such as empathy and compassion in their child. But instead of handing you a cup of tea and walking away, this young person sits down beside you, takes your hand in theirs and asks if you would like them to read you a story. We’re all acutely aware of how broke this country is, but some things are well worth investing in - the family and children have got to be at the top of this list. Granted, some parents are not fit to raise chickens, let alone children; but to use Gibran’s analogy, the vast majority of Irish parents send forth exemplary living arrows that enrich our society. It’s hardly fair to penalise them for this.